Call me Grandma...Gran...Grandma...Nana! Call me Nana!

Five weeks already...You've been rolling from your back to your side(s) since you were three weeks old.  That makes me worry about how quickly you'll be doing everything.  Didn't expect this much movement so soon!  You're really trying to hold your head up now, especially when you're lying on someone's chest.  You're getting the hang of it, though that poor head of yours is often getting whipped around when you get too excited.  You'll lift it, then something will get your attention and it just flies from one side to the next.  It doesn't seem to bother you, thankfully.  You're officially smiling now too.  That happened around 3 1/2 weeks.  At first babies kind of smile here and there but really it's just a reflex.  Now you can see it in your whole face when you're happy and really focused.  It's adorable.  What else are you doing?  You've learned how to burp pretty regularly, which makes eating a much happier experience for both of us.  You'll feed from one side for a bit, let out a big ole burp, then keep going.  Well not always that easily, because you fall asleep so easily when you're eating, but that's the basic goal and it seems to be going well.

You like being put up on our shoulders now and laying on people's chests.  You didn't like that at first but now it calms you down pretty darn quickly.  It gets hard though when you fall asleep like that so I don't want to move you, but my arm falls asleep.  Today I tried to put you in your carrier (just around the house) and you fell asleep in both positions I tried.  Good sign!  I think you'll like it; you love being carried and being close to someone, so I don't see why not.

The carrier will also make it easier until Nana and I figure out this stroller-fitting-in-the-car business.  Wait, before I finish that thought, my mom is going by "Nana."  Officially.  First she was "Gran," then "Grandma," and finally "Nana."  The first seemed old, and the second just didn't fit for her, so Nana it is!

1 MONTH

Weight: 9 lbs 10 oz
Length: 54 cm
Sleep: Up every 2-4 hours, feeding on demand
Diapers: Love Pampers Swaddlers (Newborn)

Personality at 3 weeks old

Your feet and arms never stop moving.  You're always making faces, especially in your sleep.  You've been really attentive from the moment you came into this world.  You focus as best you can on whoevers talking, and follow my voice as well as Isaac's whenever we talk to you.  We didn't expect that for a little while yet, and it makes us smile every time to see.  Yesterday you were laying on Grandma G's chest and you started bobbing your head around a bit.  You'll be holding it up on your own in no time.  Isaac put you on your stomach on our bed last weekend and you moved your legs like a little frog.  We're in trouble once you start crawling!  If this keeps up, you'll be up and at it in no time.  Isaac walked early at 9 months but I was so late with crawling and walking (almost 15 months) that I had to see a specialist to make sure nothing was wrong with my back!  Turns out I was just lazy, and eventually became a runner, so you just never know how!

You have a nice full head of hair, but not too much like those babies that come out with crazy afros and mohawks!  You have more hair than Morgan lol, your six month old cousin (who you haven't met yet).  Sometimes baby hair falls out and grows back in later.  I hope this doesn't happen because I'm in love with yours.  Dark with a little girl when it gets wet.  I forsee thick, dark, curly hair.  It's in both of our families.  Your eyes are a reeeeally dark grey-blue but they'll probably change.  I love the colour now, though.  You have long eye lashes like Isaac (I hope that stays too!) and big feet like me.  Sorry, kiddo.  Hopefully you'll grow into those.  Everyone who looks at you says you look like me.  Neither Isaac nor myself can see it yet.  Time will tell.  Both Grandmas have very strong genes, so it'll be interesting to see what you get from whom.

Personality-wise, it's still too early to see.  You only cry for food though, which is wonderful.  It's so easy to tell what you want at any given time.  Of course you have your moments as we all do, but 99% of the time if you're upset, it's because you're hungry.  You sleep through dirty diapers and puke, and make a face (if anything) if you have gas.  We're currently struggling to get you to burp because you've been eating until you puke for the last few days.  Hopefully you'll learn your limit soon and stop yourself before you have too much.  Grandma H was bouncing you on her knee yesterday and you let out two good burps on your own, so I know you have it in you!  Once you learn to burp regularly I think you'll sense when you're full a little easier.  As for sleep, you are a solid sleeper like me!  It's great.  You sleep for 3-4 hours at any given time (day and night), wake up to eat, I'll change your diaper, and you're out again for another 3-4.  We actually struggle to wake you up if we need to.  Once you're out, you're out!

You love to stretch out, especially laying on your back on the couch.  If we take you out in the stroller or truck, or if you've been sitting in your chair, you're happy as can be once we set you down to get a good stretch.  You arch your back really far and even tip your head toward your back so your body is in a total U shape.  You also enjoy the bath, which we do every other night because you sleep well afterward.  If Daddy's here, he's actually been getting right in the tub with you (since I still can't bend over that far) in your pink Winnie the Pooh tub (from Cody, Shawna, and Chris from Ottawa).  I fill it up and check the temperature with the turtle toy (from Sarah from Ottawa), wash your face, then strip you down and put you on your little hammock in the tub, and Daddy washes you up.  You've fallen asleep on us a few times, and never cried.  You don't like getting out sometimes, but I don't blame you.  It's cold!  We try and make it as warm as possible, and if we're fast enough with the towel, blanket and clothes, you don't cause a fuss.

I can't imagine the person you'll become.  I hope you're motivated, funny, care-free and fun-loving like Isaac.  I hope you're honest, not afraid to talk about your problems, and enjoy school like me.  I hope you set goals for yourself and don't let anything stop you from pursuing them.  I hope you're smart about relationships, you wait for the right person, and when you find that one, I hope you don't hold back.  I hope you don't settle for anything less than the best and one day find a man as good to you as Isaac has been to me.  I hope you learn to use your words (not your fists) in an argument in a way that proves your point, without being cruel.  I hope you're not afraid to come to us, your cousins, and/or your aunts or uncles for help, advice, a laugh, or a shoulder to cry on.  I hope you ask a lot of questions and want to learn about everything, even when your asking over and over and over starts to drive Mommy and Daddy crazy.  I hope you understand that when we ask you not to do something, it's for your own good.  One day you'll discover that we know this because we tried to do the exact same thing, and I understand that once you know this you'll one day throw it in both of our faces.  That's ok.  I hope you understand that Mommies and Daddies make mistakes too, and sometimes we've also had to learn our lessons the hard way.

I hope you like Peanut Butter.  I hope you don't like tomatoes, because Isaac and I don't, so we never buy them.  I hope you listen to all kinds of music like we do.  I hope you find a hobby you love, like guitar or soccer.  We won't push anything on you that you don't want to do, but extra-curricular activities are a great way to learn about yourself and meet kids your age.  I hope you have a teacher that you will never forget.  I hope you like the outdoors.  I hope you can appreciate a good book.  When you learn to read, however, I hope you're not as anal as I am about proper grammar and spelling.  It's a good thing to know but it drives other people crazy sometimes.  I hope you enjoy having time on your own as well as with family and friends.  While we all hate small towns at some point in our lives, I hope you always remember where home is.  I hope you want to travel and explore different places, learning about other lifestyles, and cultures.  I hope you love to laugh until you cry, but know when it's appropriate to be serious.  I hope you're lucky enough to have the same friends for as long as Mommy has.  I've known Uncle Laine, Uncle Vaughn, and Aunt Kelly since Kindergarten!  I hope you're not scared of thunderstorms like me.  If you are, Daddy will be here to show you that you're okay.

It scares me to think that one day you'll learn of all the bad people in this world.  I hope you know that bad people can sometimes pretend to be good, and look like anyone else.  I hope you stay safe and never run into a bad person.  You might think nothing bad would ever happen in a small town but crazy things can happen anywhere, and unfortunately, there have been bad people here that you'll hear about one day.You just have to remember that for every bad person there are thousands of good ones who are there to help you and love you.  I went to school to learn how to put these bad people away, and make sure they can't hurt anyone else.

I hope you learn that you have to work for what you want in life; it isn't just given to you, and sometimes it won't always work out the way you want.  When you're older and think that you're in this alone, you're not.  I've been there.  Isaac's been there.  You might get fired from a job.  You might fall for a boy who likes someone else, or you might have your heart broken in a relationship.  You might break a bone.  A girl in your class might be your best friend one day, and talk about you the next.  I hope none of these things ever happen to you, but if they do, don't be afraid to talk to someone about it.  Growing up can be hard, but we've all gotten through it.

I hope you never experience a death of a loved one, especially like I did growing up.  One day you'll learn about Wyatt, Tristan, Drew, Erin, Dave, Mrs. Foster, Mrs. Cassibo...The list goes on, sadly.  I'll take you to Wyatt's Memorial Chainsaw Challenge and I'm sure his sister Whitney will be babysitting you one day.  I'll take you to Erin's Memorial Baseball Tournament and the ALS Walk that we do for Dave.  You'll learn why Mommy never wants to see you near the green bridge in town.  When you're in third grade, I'll read you "The Witches" like Mrs. Foster did to me...Death is something a child should never have to experience, but all of these people have left me with stories to pass along to you.

Birth Story (part 2) and our hospital stay

Now to continue with your never-ending, wonderful stories!  It's still bizarre to me to think of how quickly the delivery process is with a c-section.  I had no idea.  My perception of time was rather skewed but even Isaac says it only took about 10 minutes.  He had to stay in the hallway while I got prepped and pumped full of some more drugs that are necessary for a c-section.  Thankfully they were able to administer them through the IV I already had, so I didn't need any more needles.  That was done so quickly I didn't even know it had happened.  I guess they normally use a variant of Morphine in sections but they were able to give me something else, thank god.

I remember Isaac was let in and Dr. Chanda pressing against my body in a line, then telling me there would be a lot of pressure.  "A lot" is an understatement.  That hurt!  While I couldn't feel the pain of them cutting into my body (again, I had no idea that was even happening), it's not nice to feel someone pressing into your stomach with all of their weight.  I have no idea what they were doing but she kept pushing around in there and it was beyond uncomfortable.  Amazingly, in a matter of minutes it went from that to "Daddy,do you want to see?" and he watched you come out of me!  They lifted you up over the curtain so I could see you, then took you away (with Isaac) to get you weighed and cleaned off.  7 lbs 10.8 oz.  Just that previous Thursday Dr. Chanda had guessed your weight would be 7 lbs 12 oz, which was pretty darn close!

It took another 20 minutes or so to get me cleaned and closed back up, unfortunately.  Isaac stayed with you until he could bring you over to me while they finished everything.  We took some pictures and he described his terrified reaction of seeing you coming out looking rather purple.  All the doctors and nurses (there are MANY in the room with you in a c-section) were smiling and saying "Congratulations" though, so he knew nothing was wrong.

He stayed with you to do the APGAR test and whatever else they do to you right away, while I got cleaned up and wheeled into the recovery room, and the two of you soon followed.  I knew I had been given some more drugs but didn't realize just how frozen I was.  The nurses had been patting me with a bag of ice and I had to tell them when it was cold and when it wasn't.  Turns out, at this point, I was frozen from my armpits down!  I'm not sure why they give you that much, it was kind of crazy.  I actually had to wait about half an hour to feed you because I couldn't feel that part of my body.  Meanwhile, you laid in your bed next to me smackin your lips, hoping I could help you out.  Thankfully when it came time to feed you, you caught right on and it hasn't been a problem yet!  I remember laying there frozen before I could feed you and one of the nurses asked what your name was and we still hadn't decided!  Your first name is one I threw out a few months ago that he liked, and your middle name is Grandma G's middle name.

We had a semi-private room, but it was not very nice at first.  You'd think the entire space would be split evenly, but that's not the case.  We had a tiny little section with no view, enclosed entirely by a curtain.  There wasn't even a chair because there wasn't room for one!  The other side had a big window, window seat, bed, chair, and tons of space to boot.  We lucked out though, because the couple there was just leaving and suggested we take their space before anyone else moved in, so that's exactly what we did.  We had that space to ourselves for a little bit, before a woman came in next to us who hadn't had her baby yet, but was dealing with kidney stones.  She was in a great deal of pain and had a husband and young one at home to worry about.  She left Wednesday morning.

Wednesday afternoon, a couple came in with the loudest baby imaginable.  I swear I will never forget the sound that baby made because it didn't even sound like a baby crying.  If I didn't know, I would've thought it was a little pig or some other small animal.  It was awful, the poor boy.  All the nurses said you were the quietest on the floor (even when you cried, which isn't often) and unfortunately he (Braydon) was the loudest!  The mom kind of drove me crazy, too.  She was really nice but FULL of complaints, even though she had a natural delivery that took 3 hours in total, with only 20 minutes of contractions.  The baby came on his due date which was also her anniversary with her husband.  She had plenty to be happy about, but all she did was complain.  She had a midwife so she could've gone home within a few hours but ended up spending the night with her mom and the baby because she wanted to speak to her pediatrician, who wasn't in until the next day.  They all left Thursday morning though and we had the room to ourselves until we left Friday at 1.

Originally we had asked to not have visitors because we hadn't anticipated staying very long.  Having ended up there from Monday night until Friday afternoon, we okayed it, which resulted in everyone wanting to come.  You're only supposed to have two visitors during the hours of 2-4 and 6-8 but we had more than that each time on Wednesday and Thursday and no one said anything.  Between those four times, we saw both Grandmas and Grandpas, Uncle Laine and Vaughn, Uncle Ryan and Aunt Nicole, Megan, Brandon, your second cousin Cherise, and (Aunt) Kelly.  I don't think you even opened an eye for anyone besides the twins.  Your grandparents brought us lots of snack foods, which was greatly appreciated, and Kelly brought us Swiss Chalet.  The hospital food was better than expected but it's still not as nice as real food!  Uncle Laine and Vaughn got you a lined silver sippy cup, spoon and fork that's engraved with your name on it.  Super cute.

The nurses on the floor were all wonderful.  We had one nurse named Wendy and another named Kerry lol.  Daddy actually knew Stacey, the nurse we had Thursday night.  She was really nice and put up with me having a big crying fit regarding supplementing.  Babies lose weight when they're in the hospital but it's not a huge concern unless and until it's 10% of your original birth weight, at which point they have to supplement a breast fed baby with formula until the mom's milk came in.  Well I was told my milk wouldn't come in for about a week because of having had a c-section, and you lost 7% of your weight, so they were a little worried.  That's fine, but they all knew I wasn't giving you a bottle (especially at two days old).  There are other ways of doing it if need be, if you had continued to lose weight (which you didn't).

I was unimpressed - to say the least - when your pediatrician, Dr. Vanier, told me she was concerned you would continue to lose weight because she was so sure my milk wouldn't come in any time soon.  We had been told we'd leave either Thursday or Friday, but Dr. Vanier wouldn't release you on Thursday because of said concern.  She went on to tell me that I had no choice but to supplement you with formula via a bottle.  When I asked about other ways, she wouldn't even discuss them.  At one point she told me they'd be too difficult to do at home so I may as well get used to a bottle now.  I put my foot down and you were not given formula.  She wasn't happy with me and she caused such a fuss that I spent Thursday night crying, just wishing we could go home.  Stacey listened to me rant and raised a good point, that if I had had a vaginal delivery and gone home on Wednesday, I never would have known you'd lost any weight and the supplementing would be a non-issue until you were weighed again at your first doctor's appointment within the week.

When Dr. Vanier came in to check on me early Friday morning, I was stressed and upset, and made even moreso as I expected her to send us home, but she had more bad news.  She didn't want to send us home in case you lost more weight because it's hard to get help on the weekend.  We'd have to go through Emerg, which is a royal pain.  Considering you had only lost 7% I did not understand why she was turning it into such a big deal.  I needed to get us home.  As we had this conversation, I was about to feed you in front of her and saw that my milk had come in.  We struck gold.  I insisted that we were taking my breast milk (not a bottle of formula) and going home that day.  She said she'd weigh you and we could go accordingly.  With that feed, you gained an ounce (yay)!  With the next one - three hours later, as they make Moms wake up their babies to feed every three hours - you had gained another ounce.  The nurse named Kerry came in with some paper work and information about breast feeding, safe sleep, and my recovery, and we were released immediately.

It was sunny out but really windy and cold.  The drive home didn't take any longer than usual but it felt like forever.  We were greeted at home by Uncle Laine and Uncle Vaughn.  I went upstairs to try and get some more sleep in between feeding.  It took us a while to get our stuff unpacked and the house tidied up again.  As I write this three weeks later, my incision is still sore, but getting much better.  I have an appointment with Dr. Chanda on December 2 to make sure all is well down there.  You've seen Trixie and Donna at the Health Centre and you're gaining weight left right and centre!  You were down to 7 lbs 3 oz when you left the hospital, and you're currently up to 8 lbs 3 oz!  You'll see Paige from now on every month or so.  Your next appointment is on the 30th.

As for your life outside of the hospital, it has been wonderful.  Sometimes I look at you and still can't believe we made you.  You were inside of me only three weeks ago.  I don't know how you fit in there, but you were pretty darn cozy.  You were dancing around in there right up to the last second.  Dr. Chanda told me you came out with your umbilical cord wrapped around your feet!  Silly girl.

Birth story

Eat, sleep, poop, repeat.  What a life!  Soon enough you'll be awake and running all over the place!  I've lucked out, as you eat for a good half hour each time, then pass out for 3-4 hours on your own.  You only really cry when it's time to eat, too.  In the hospital even the nurses were amazed at how you'd sleep through dirty diapers and temperature changes.  And once you're asleep, you are hard to wake up!  Thankfully now we can work on our own schedules but there they make all new moms wake their babies every three hours to make sure they get the hang of feeding and ensure there aren't any complications that are making you sleep longer than you should.  Pain in the butt, if you ask me.  I'd try and wake you for 20 minutes sometimes.  It usually took both Daddy and I tickling you incessantly before you'd start to stir.

So I better get on this "birth story" business before I forget all the small stuff.  It doesn't feel like it all started two weeks ago already, that's for sure.  At my last OB appointment (October 21, four days overdue), Dr. Chanda and I started discussing induction because I was still only at 1 cm and it didn't look like you were coming out any time soon.  I really didn't want to be induced, but you can only wait for so long!  I'll spare you some details, but we decided I'd go into the hospital the following Monday (October 25, eight days overdue) and start the induction process.  The plan was to then be called in some time on Tuesday and have my water broken and get going into labour.  With this timing, I knew MY OB would be doing it and she would be the one on-call the day I'd go into labour.  This timing also made it easy for Daddy, as he was able to tell work on Thursday that he wouldn't be back for a bit.

By the time we got out of the hospital on Monday it was after 7, and we got home around 8.  I had watched my contractions on a monitor and had no idea they were even happening.  I couldn't feel them at all.  When I got home I went straight to bed.  Daddy stayed up for a little bit and while he was still downstairs, I woke up shortly after 9 with mild cramping (which is typical with the catheter but may have also been contractions) so I decided to go to the washroom, since I was up anyway.  Good thing I did!  My water broke on the toilet!  You typically have a while between your water breaking and contractions getting regular but Dr. Chanda had asked that I come straight back if I thought I was going into labour, so we played it safe and headed out.

In the assessment room, I was 3-4 cm, gushing by the minute.  Daddy and I were both falling asleep, and I think that's part of the reason why I didn't feel some of the smaller contractions.  I have no pain tolerance whatsoever, so I was pretty surprised.  I knew I wanted an epidural at one point and was happy to hear that Dr. Brown was the anaesthetist on Monday night (Dr. Ademidun was the OB).  He's the anaesthetist I had met with last month to discuss whether or not I could get an epidural, as Dr. Chanda was worried because Morphine has no effect on me.  Unfortunately, Dr. Brown was in the midst of a major bowel reconstructive surgery, so he was two hours behind!  Because of that, there was a couple who had been waiting for him for a c-section all day as well, so I was third in line at best.  I was quite comfortable at that point but worried that I wouldn't be such a happy camper two hours later.

As the night went on and we moved into the labour and delivery room, you were progessing pretty slowly.  I didn't realize how much time had passed as I kept falling asleep but at one point they gave me Oxytocin because it was the wee hours and I was only at 5 cm.  Oxytocin made me even sleepier and you did not like it at all.  One stupid nurse woke me up rolling me over, screaming for me to get on my back because your heart beat had plummeted for no reason.  She started calling people into the room and just freaked, which - needless to say - terrified me.  She could have easily just woken me up and asked me to roll over and explained later, but no.  Full on panic mode.  They kept an eye on you pretty closely after that.

As for the contractions, they were getting stronger, and I still couldn't feel them.  I'd watch the monitor read up to 127 and not even flinch.  The nurses told me you typically feel contractions around 50!  I started to suddenly get reall uncomfortable at 6 cm, which is coincidentally when Dr. Brown had finished with the two other patients.  I remember the nurses asking if I wanted him to come before or after the other pregnant woman.  I said after, and the timing worked out perfectly.  The epidural was dreadful, though.  I couldn't sit properly in the bed because it sloped down so badly in the middle, and I guess it was hard for him to get a good spot because I'm so small in the first place.  He got it on the second try but it was terrible.  They kicked Daddy out of the room (protocol, as Daddys don't like to see Mommys in pain) and the nurse literally bent me over so that my head was between my knees at the side of the bed, and she held me like that until everything was done.  I've always been okay with needles in the past, but that was awful.  Worth it?  Absolutely.  I was very surprised at just how frozen I was.  Everyone says you can't feel the pain but you can still feel the pressure.  I felt nothing.  From start to finish, I probably felt three contractions that were almost comparable to my period, and that's it!

By the time 8:00 am rolled around, Dr. Ademidun was off and Dr. Chanda's shift was starting.  Yay!  I didn't have to be induced, and yet I still ended up with my own OB!  She checked up on me and made fun of my frozen state.  Dr. Brown actually checked in that morning too, even though he had been off at midnight.  Turns out he had stuck around for a few extra hours to give me my epidural.

With an epidural it drips straight down so if you were to just lie on your back it would puddle and go nowhere, so you have to lay on your left side to freeze your left, then your right for your right, and keep alternating every hour.  Needless to say, it wasn't long before I could not flip myself.  Nurses would wake me up and ask me to turn, and I'd successfully turn my shoulders and head lol.  That's it.  At one point the nurse had to ask for Daddy's help in moving the blanket beneath me, subsequently turning me over.  One woman actually picked up my left leg and it was total jelly.  Bizarre.

It wasn't long before Dr. Chanda mentioned a c-section if things didn't pick up.  I guess throughout the entire night and the few hours with her around before you were born, your heart rate kept dropping because of the Oxytocin.  I'd start to progess with Oxytocin but then your heart would drop so they'd take me off of it, but then the progess would stop entirely.  It's called Fetal Distress, and happens often, but it's not something to take lightly.  I went back to sleep hoping for the best.

When I woke up around 11 the nurses greeted me with warnings and potential dangers of c-sections.  They told me I hadn't progressed since my last check, and Dr. Chanda finally came in and said we had to go ahead with a section, unfortunately.  I thought I'd have some time to wrap my head around it but it was "We have to go with a cesarean.  The OR is getting set up now."  Literally five minutes later I was being wheeled away.  In a matter of minutes after that, you were born!