Day 18: Something you regret

I try not to live with regrets. I know everyone says that, but I really do. Looking back, there are few things I would have done differently. I should have gone to Wyatt's service, but I was scared of death. Little did I know what was to come. I should have been at Mrs Foster and Mrs Cassibo's services, but I didn't know about them in time.

I shouldn't have cheated on Jake and put us through what I did. This one doesn't have an "It wasn't my fault" justification to follow. I regret causing him pain, even if we were only 17.  It was still very real. If I had thought about someone other than myself for five minutes, I could have saved one amazing relationship and friendship. As for the other relationship lost from that scenario...I'm sad that we don't have it anymore. I really am.  I never pictured my life without her in it.  Do I regret anything between she and I?  Negative.  Perhaps we were both a little more harsh than what we should have been, but I don't take back anything I said or did.  I saw a whole other side to her that I do not want in my life.  It's unfortunate, but what happened is clearly for the best.

Day 3: Your first love

My first love was Brad, just like every other girl my age. We ended up getting married on the baseball diamond at school one recess when we were six. He was my neighbour for years and is still a good friend.

Now for my first real love...I had seen Jake G around in 9th and 10th grade but I didn't get along with his then-girlfirend and he and I didn't have any of the same classes, so I didn't interact much with Jake until 11th grade. He got closer with my group of friends at the beginning of the school year and it turns out he and Brit had just broken up that August (funny that I remember such details so many years later). While bitching over lunch about our friends dating/not dating/dating/not dating, we ended up quickly getting closer to one another. One thing led to another, and I am the one who ended up asking him out.

We were inseparable and had so much fun together. We were always laughing and I felt really secure about myself and us as a couple when we were together. Maybe a little too secure? It kinda freaked me out how serious he was at such a young age. He kept talking about wanting to settle down with me, when I couldn't even decide what to have for breakfast the next morning. It scared me and I tried to get him to slow things down a little. I also tried to show him that I wanted to live a little too. I wanted to go have girls nights and days out with other friends as much as I wanted time with him. I didn't want to feel "tied down" at 16 (or ever).

When things took a turn, I never imagined how quickly it would all end. Things went from bad to worse in a flash. Initially, he took me back. Looking back, I should have known that this in itself was actually a bad sign. I could have walked all over him and he still worshipped the ground I walked on. It was all too much than I could handle at the time. I broke up with him, and he took me back only to have me break up with him again in two months or so.

Clearly this is just the Coles Notes and we've moved on for the better in the past six years. I just hate how things ended. Surprisingly we made it out of the above situation on top and tried to be friends. This worked until his next girlfriend crept her way in and ruined everything between those two, she and I, and he and I. I haven't heard from either one of them in years. It makes me sad but I guess it's for the best. I've learned more than I ever could have imagined from that one short year. We shared many firsts together that I wouldn't take back for the world. He opened my eyes and showed me what I deserve. I haven't had a single crap relationship and it's all because of him. He set the bar high at a young age and I never settled for anything less than him afterward.

He has since gone on to do amazing things in his life, like studying abroad and having art shows in Los Angeles and London, England. I have gone on to find the true love of my life, and the father of my amazing daughter. Things are a lot different now. We've come a long way, HWDHB. Take care of yourself. Sweet dreams.